Are you LIVING or EXISTING?

“Are you Living or Existing…” this line was extracted from one of my all-time favourite movies “A Family that Preys”.  Although this is just a line from another movie as many might think, to me it carries so much sense and in its being inspired me to scribble down the following words.

Of many things that keep me awake at night, the question of whether I will die having fulfilled my purpose and tapped into my destiny tortures me day in and out. Over the past 25-years my life, I have learned that life has no guarantees and that every day is a countdown towards an unknown deadline- I have seen people I loved and cared about die right in front of my eyes without them living to fulfilment that which they were destined to be. I have watched the old die of sudden sickness, infants of unknown diseases and the youth paraded by tragedy- Frankly I have seen death rob the world of souls that were destined for nothing less than greatness, individuals who without doubt were going to be agents of change, influence and healing in this sickly society of ours but sadly they disappeared right in front of our eyes like mist. One of my favourite authors Myles Monroe states that thee richest place you’ll ever find on earth is the cemetery in your neighbourhood where lies unread  books, unsung songs, unheard  multi-billion business concepts and future leaders who were never afforded an opportunity to play their role. This in not so many words echoes the isiXhosa saying that “Isitya esihle asidleli” (the good die young).

With all that reality at our disposal, we somehow still live prolonged lives with postponed agendas as if we have indemnity of how long we are going to live. I am not against the idea of planning but I have a problem with sacrificing the privilege of the present for the unknown and unguaranteed tomorrow. Life is like travelling by bus to a destination known by the driver only. The beauty in this journey though is that in each city or town along the way, you are presented with an opportunity to enjoy yourself, have fun and experience new things. The choice to either enjoy yourself, dance and laugh or silently seat still till destination is all dependent on you.

So the daunting question of whether I am living or just existing deters me from living a life of obscure standards, mediocrity and regret. Whilst I am still here, I choose to be dancing, singing, laughing, influencing and learning on my way to my destination because at the end I will reach a day whether in my youthful glory or in my grey hair and wrinkled face where all that I am and all that makes what I am will shut down and release my soul to the next life- whether ready or not, whether wide awake or fast asleep.

The following are some but few of the people who were dear to me who reached their destination unexpectedly in the joyful days of their youth.

Thabang Mkhwanazi- Believed he was born to be an advocate. A young change maker dedicated to the betterment of his people whom I was privileged to meet in one of the seminars I attended a few years back. In 2013 he unfortunately was mugged, stabbed to death and found mutilated in his neighbourhood days later. He never lived to argue his first case.

Chriselda Williams- A young spirited dreamer who had ambitions to be a radio DJ in one of our national radio stations in South Africa. She was a loving soul who at 23-years was diagnosed with breast cancer- they said it was too late for chemotherapy. She died in her hospital bed five months after her diagnosis 14 April 2010. The airwaves never got a chance to release her sweet voice to the world.  Death silenced her.

Zimkhitha Mayathula- A dear friend to me who was also my classmate at university. She had dreams and ambitions to be a media practitioner like me and others. Like Chriselda  in 2009 she suffered death prematurely after being diagnosed with a rare disease I had never heard of, Lupus. She was ony 24-years. She also died fighting for her life just 2-months after her diagnosis.  She never made it to her first day in the news room.

Nick Govender- An activist and liberal whom I believed was going to a member of parliament someday. I met him during my debating years at university. Whenever I looked at him, I was challenged to be a better person. Did I tell you that in 2009 he was tragically killed whilst driving his new machine just four weeks before his wedding day? He never got a chance to see his beautiful bride walk down the aisle, remove her veil and kiss her rosy lips. He reached his destination before that day.

Nozibele Selela-Nzawumbi- My  dear mother, a career woman who had dreams to see me and my brother grow into remarkable and responsible men. I loved her with all that I am and connected with her in ways I fail to describe- she and I were once connected in her womb and that connection never faded. She died at 29-years in a tragic car accident in 1997. She never got a chance to look one more time, smile one more time, hold her children or even see me on my graduation day. Death decided to brand her Deceased.

Recenty, I was staggered after learning about the tragic death of a dear friend and visionary, Thembi Losi, she drowned whilst on holiday in Mozambique last summer. She was only 22-years old-a recent graduate who left everyone she came across with confidence that the future had capable leaders. In one of her interviews as published by Allan Gray she said; “I will pursue a Master’s Degree in Development and Economics in the United Kingdom or at the Paris School of Economics in France…”   As sad as it is, she never wrote the first line of her Masters dissertation. Death closed her chapter.  

All these remarkable men and woman died in the course of planning for the future. They all lived lives that left a trademark. Even though death surprised them and others who knew them, they had atleast started living. Most of them had already found their purpose and were marching towards dear destiny with it, some had just begun. They all had dreams of a lifetime but suffered violence and sickness in such a few years of their lives.

So while I approach the minute of the unknown I might as well start living and not just exist. When you live, everyday matters, every situation is a lesson and every event is an opportunity to love, smile learn, forgive, embrace, influence and laugh a little bit more.  I have no doubt that God has invested so much in me- so much that the world has not yet seen- I also have no doubt though that He also holds the stopwatch whether I have explored all those investments or not when the time comes it shall be so. His plans are undisputable and His ways mysterious.

Living is acknowledging that life is a privilege, not an entitlement- in that so, it can be taken any minute. You live responsibly and caringly. You cherish the idea of sharing your life with others, try new things and live in the moment.  Have you ever wished you could go sky diving, bungee jumping, Ice skating, Hiking or have worked hard and always wished you could travel the world? Have you ever wished you could just go to a foreign land where nobody knows you and cares about you and LIVE? I have. If so, chances are you haven’t yet lived yet, you have been existing all along.

When I die, I want to die empty and tired like Tata Nelson Mandela. I still want to live, I still want to discover all the treasures my creator has stored in me. As per my name, I want to be a living GIFT to the universe. I want to touch the world, blow kisses to Mother Nature and feel her fresh aroma around me. I want to see ten generations after me and see them set standards for generations after them. I want to be remembered, yes I do, not as a perfect man though but as a creature who knew how to live for a lifetime in a moment despite his imperfect state. I want to be remembered as a young man who tried, concurred, messed up, fell down yet stood up and continued with the journey. I refuse to just exist; every day to me is an opportunity to seize and empty myself to the world.

Whatever plans you have today, whatever future prospects, in whatever you occupy your space with, whatever mission or vision you choose to dedicate your life to, remember to please live for a while because life is nothing but a gift from above.

So once in a while you need to forget about losing your dignity, forget about your job title or class in society, forget all that you have or do not have. Do what makes you happy. Take a road trip to an unknown destination and be on the driving seat this time around, go to a foreign land and learn new ways to life, try new foods, new dances, speak  new languages, meet new love,  laugh till you drop and come back to your routine life- by then you would have atleast attempted to live and not just exist.

While you’re still contemplating about it, remember, tick-talk, tick-talk, tick-talk.

Now tell me, are you LIVING or just  EXISTING?