6th Annual SABC Crown Gospel Awards.

Yesterday, 17 November 2013 marked the 6th Annual SABC Crown Gospel Awards and as a devoted follower of this spiritually uplifting genre I had a date with my TV set. Although I found myself switching between the two channels as the South African Sports Awards were airing on SABC 1  exactly the same time,  the Crowns seemed to captivate more of my attention.

Let me start by saying as one who has been a loyal follower of these awards for the past five years, I was very much impressed with the overall production of this year's awards- more especially  having been a LIVE broadcast. The attendance was amazing but again its kwaZulu-naMandiya-Natal and Durbanites sure know how to make a good crowd.
As usual the ceremony commenced at such a high note of perfomances and what better way to set the mood for the evening than to give the stage to my personal laugh-out-loud icon, "Shayizandla Wena" mama Rebecca Malope. As expected, she did not dissapoint- Rebecca needs no treadmil or gym instructor, she's a all in one package. She set the jet off with her traditional rendition of a song I was hearing for the first time but be as it may, she rocked my world. There were times I felt like a Sphumelele Mbambo was jumping out of her bits by bits but the flying stiletto during her perfomance proved me otherwise. She did it the Rebecca way and left me in stitches. Over and above she looked beautiful and I can bid my last dollar that she was dressed by David Tlale- his signature of elegance gave her a glow for the night.

By now, I was expecting nothing but the very best and honestly felt so proud of the Disney Princess- Zanele Mbokazi on her outstanding work in organising such a whoo-ho event. It wasn't until I saw  the hosts that I knew there was more to surprise me through out the night- Thabo Mdluli and Thembi Seete. Whoever came with this idea, deserves a cup of Joko tea. Thabo is a natural, good at what he does and MCing comes naturally to him. As for beautiful Thembi, I just wish a wealthy man can put a huge rock on her finger, buy her a luxurious twelve-floor mansion, get her as many servants and a driver to take her to all the high-class "Madam Tea-Parties" where she will just seat, say nothing and blink her gorgeous eye-lashes off. Nonetheless, like they always say, two is better than one, so the two did a great job as Thabo filled the dots when Thembi had nothing smart to say but to smile.

So the evening advanced as we saw some new faces taking home something to be proud of from Best Church Choir to Best Church Outreach, and that was good for what it stood for.

Amongst other accolades, we saw Umhlobo Wenene FM taking Best Gospel Radio Show, Best Music Video- uJehova Ungibiyele, Best Gospel Producer- Nathi Zungu, Best Traditional Gospel- Lufuno Dagada and to round-up this session was a perfomance by my late grandma's favourite Lusanda 'Guitar' Mcinga joined by Season 1-I Wanna Sing Gospel finalist Kgotso Makgalema. I must say Lusanda seems to be enjoying her comfort share of life but again, she has been around for ages and is still pinning those strings for the run.

Be as it may, I have a few questions about these awards though, with understanding ofcourse that Zanele Mbokazi is the 'President' as appointed by the SABC. The following set my mind, are these really gospel awards like any other or is it one of Zanele's parties where she is the priviledged child who throws her sweet sixteen party, invite her 'in my good books' friends and decide who to reward with a toy depending on how much they danced to her music and carried her Gucci bag around through out the year? Secondly, who decides on the line-up of perfomances? Is it again Zanele's playlist depending on how preety and over the moon she feels on the day? Thirdly, why have these hosted in Durban every year? Johannesburg would be an ideal venue as this KZN thing makes these awards very localised for a national event. I love KZN but this is taking it a bit too far. Now and again I felt like the winners were even afraid to forget  her name (Cindarella) in their thank you speeches as failure to do so would result in them being disowned by the Princess. Mirror-mirror, who is the fairest than them all?

In such a celebration mode, before the grand announcement we saw the audience on their feet as Thobekile took to stage with Akekho Ongavala- mama you did very well. This ofcourse was paving the way for the grand awards, Best Gospel Artist, Best Gospel Song, Best Gospel Male and Best Gospel Female. As expected ICC bowed and there was silence for a moment as the lady in blue went up to announce winners in these categories. I must say I am so proud that Zanele didn't have the Cindarella look this year. She atleast toned down from her usuall glits-jewellery shiny enough to well-lit the whole of ICC incase of a load shedding and ofcourse the white cloves. This year you were lookable my dear Princess.

At this time I was ready to pop some bubbly and celebrate as I had been rooting and voting for two artists in the Best Gospel Artist and Best Gospel Male. Standing in my victory position, the winner was announced and it was...Winnie Mashaba. For a minute I thought had a delusional moment and no I didn't. Winnie danced her way to the stage with her colour blocking singers and they siezed the moment. Because I am an honest being I must say with Ntokozo Mbambo-Mbatha having been nominated in the same category, my money and hope had gone to her, and yes I was dissapointed that she did not win but I had swallow my lump and carry on. Second to that was the Best Gospel Song and Mbize took it home with the whole of ICC storming with excitement as little Dumi went to grab his prize on stage. I was moved as he had his moment of emotion and praise during his thank you speech. All well done Dumi, you deserve, a good come-back I must say. So the Best Gospel Male was announced and Jabu Hlongwane was the winner over Nqubeko Mbatha, it was exactly this minute that I switched over to SABC 1 in disbelief but quickly contained my little tantrum and tuned back again. Baba Jabu couldn't make it to the event but a recording from Zanele's cellphone was played as he had pre-recorded a thank you message. To seal the event was the Best Female and Vicky Vilakazi took it, don't ask me how that came about because I was already speechless by now I took my bottle of bubbly and reserved it for future celebrations.

The event ended in a very dancy note as some Nigerian artist had people dancing their way out. I hope Lundi was not allowed to attend the after party, we all know why. I must also say I was proud to see a bit less of oganza, silk and feather dresses not forgeting shiny suites and sharp pointed shoes from those who attended. We will finally get there, someday, I hope.

As for now though, contuinue to loose that weight, write better songs and consult the fashion police so you may rock the occasion in next year's awards.

Until I Faced Them.

Dear friend,

After much meditation and self introspection, I finally got the courage and inspiration to write to you again. Being a long while not updating on this blog, I got messages and queries of when I am most likely to write again; well here I am.

Of things that kept me silent; my past hurts, dissapointments, violances, abuses, rejections and discouragements are what have been secretely holding me hostage for the past 24 years of my life until I found myself standing in the midst of a heap of broken promises, splintered relationships, and shattered dreams.

 In the past month I went through a 'Self Healing & Realisation' moment. This is a healing of self, forgiveness of self and embracing of self. I know you might be a bit clueless as you read this passage but I will attempt to make you understand as we go along. Sometime, somewhere, somehow in our lives we have to deal with our worst enemy- US. We have to deeply dig down and find the very essence of our being that masters us to speak the way we do, walk the way we do and act the way we do. In other words we all get to a point in our lives where we seek answers for all the questions we have about the type a people we are. That self realisation is what sets us free from the yokes and bondages we so live to suffer under day to day.

Everybody has a story to tell. One that will inspire, release, strengthen and encourage the next person but as long as one hasn't realised the purpose within their past they will forever walk as slaves of shame, regret and bitterness.

Perhaps you don't know my story so let me break it down to you a little. I was born during an era I call 'The breaking of dawn', those are the late 80's. My parents met, fell inlove, married and only God knows how I got concieved, what matters is that I made it of all my little cell brothers and sisters who were competing with me in that baby-making-race. I was my father's only child and my mother's second son. My father was an accomplished and hard working taxi business owner whilst my mother clipped and filed for a living as a clerk at the Post Office. I assume we lived a balanced life, a normal life but sadly life took a toll when my father was tragically killed in a car accident a day after Christmas just a year after I was born. My mother being a 22- year old young adult at the time had to drop the madam cap and sail the family ship all by herself. So we had our ups and downs like any family and  life was still worth living. I still remember how our mother made sure  that we atleast had all we needed with the little she made. I feel a need to tell you of how beautiful my mother was, a radiant glow she had with a gentle charm that said 'I am a lady' on her face. She possesed a rare quality of style that I still live to see till present. I remember her smell, her gentle touch, her discipline and most of all her laughter. Hard  working as she was, she saw a need to further her studies and spread her wings to fly when she rellocated to Port Elizabeth, a metropolitan city in the Eastern Cape, when I was just 6-years old. She did well I assume; in an attempt to create more opportunities for her and us. So sad that life is just unpredictable, my dear mother suffered a similar death to that of my father when she was killed in a car accident also in one of her travellings when I was only 7-years old. It is then that life taught me to live and be an individual as young as I was. I thank God for my mother's family- my grandmother to be precise who clutched us with her warm wings and raised us to a people of dignity. As I grew up that part of my life was almost treated as just a figment in my dark imagination- we never spoke about it till I was a teenager in my late teens. It is then that I realised how damaging the experience had been to me but my family and so that chapter remained ignored.

My childhood starred a series of emotional emergencies, brokenness and a cargo of unanswered questions. I longed to have some messiah who would rescue me from the precepot of self destruction I was slowly subjecting myself into. Not that I had much of a choice but I longed despite.

One of the lessons I learned during these years was a lesson of self-affirmation and endurance. In every encounter I've had in the past be it positive or negative, these two elements ushered me through and helped me be a better me.
I encountered a number of emotional, physical, spiritual and verbal abuses in my life- ones I have never shared with anyone. The pattern of my life was used to dissapointments, rejection and mockery and nothing was unusual with these occured. What triggered danger though was never being to  openly talk about what I was going through as a child and so I carried the wounds of my childhood to my adulthood.

When the wounds of our past have not been openly exposed, they remain supreme, sensitive and sickly within us for the rest of our lives. It is only when we have found courage to open-up that we get to experience healing and liberty and be inspired to be a patronage to those who are still afflicted.

One of the mistakes I made was to close-up and ignore areas in my life that demanded intervention with urgency. I was too busy, I was an accomplisher, a go-getter, a benefaction to friends and family, there was just too much to accupy myself with but I had absolutely no time for my own disorders. The corollaries of such ignorance came at a great prize. I became a self-destruction weapon and did a remarkable job in trashing myself without even putting much effort. I had a solution to every problem except my very own as a result I pushed away those who sincerely cared for me because their attention demanded me to meet-up with my little devils. My brokenness was in a state of emergency and as long as I didn't acknowledge it, it continued to virus vital areas in my life- I lost out as a result.

Nobody knew what I was going through because I wasn't even aware myself. My brokenness had created cracks and loopholes for seeds to silently sneak into my life and germinate into different fruits- fruits that I would later be judged by. Let me clarify the outline of seeds in our lives. Somewhere, somehow, sometime in our lives we had encounteres that left us broken and opened a way for seeds to be directly deposited into secrete places we are unlikely to look at in ourlives. That embarassing experience from your past you don't want to look at or open up about is most likely to have dozens of seeds that will later germinate into different fruits. The seed of brokenness in my life resided in areas I didn't open up about for too long and as a result it created pathways for other seeds to be easily deposited and find a place of rest within. A seed of jealousy can germinate and be a fruit of bitterness and a seed of abuse can germinate to be a fruit of promiscuity. A seed of poverty can give birth to pride and a seed of rejection can produce a fruit of lust. Seeds have all sorts of complexities and dynamics. We all have seeds within us that we are too ashamed to search for. The problem with this is that as long as seeds have not been discovered they will continue to spread and grow at the expense of our liberty and peace.

I was a walking zombie for too long and my seeds were in control of my life, they created addictions and hooked me like a fish in a fishing rod. They directed my path and used my hand to feed their own selfish desires. For as long as I didn't deal with my disorders, I continued to live in slavery and shame of my bitter past. I lost relationships and friendships I so dearly treasured which will only take God's hand to restore. Some of these relationships though were never meant to be for a lifetime but they were a part of God's plan to help me realise the urgency of my self-uproars and that I will forever be greatful for.

Friends, it is vital for our own peace and health that we visit those areas of sensitivity in our lives, make peace with them and move on before they create more commotion meanwhile leading into a place of dispeakable loneliness. Healing is not just a process but it is conversion on its own. Freedom is not just the ability to do what you wish to do but it is assurance within that you are in full control of yourself and not defined by your experiences.

So let me challenge you to look within not above yourself and find that seed uproot it and move ahead. There is a reason you act the way you do, sensitive like you are, defensive or short-tempered like you are. I have been there and it is not a nice place to be in but you will forever live there as long as you do not come to terms with your self-uproars.

I hope you find the courage within to meet-up with your dark clouds, see the light in them and experience true freedom and liberty. It is never too late to re-claim what you are entitled to- your emotional healing and restoration is your rightful entitlement.

Here are some of the key steps in helping you get your emotional healing and move ahead.


ACKNOWLEDGE.

Be willing to acknowledge that you have a particular problem, history or weakness. Acknowledgement doesn't mean praise. By acknowledging your sexual, verbal, emotional abuse it doesn't mean you are praising it, no, it means you are brave enough to admitt that you once these encounters.

CONFRONT.

Find the courage or inspiration  to confront your past no matter how bitter or painful it is. Confront every single feauture in it and tell it what you think of it. Confrontation varies in different degrees. There are some uproars in our lives that require physical confrontation inorder for us to find healing and restoration. Sexual and Verbal abuse is one of the uproars that require physical confrontation to allow healing to happen easily. In cases where the individual is no longer, anything connected to them might assist in your confrontation.

FORGIVE.

It is so amazing how we are so used to forgiveness but have never really grasped the idealism in it. Forgiveness is a choice for you not the other person. Its for your own betterment not the other person's. Forgiveness is to choose to move from that place of hurt despite its dreadful returns. On of the biggest mistakes we still continue to make is to think we only forgive when there is another party or individual- that is not true. Self-forgiveness is the most beneficial yet difficult to exercise because it requires you to be as honest as you can about the incident or past so that you can find your position and make peace with it. Sometimes we spend our lives beating and punishing ourselves for things we can not change, we forgive others but not ourselves. Self-forgiveness makes it easier for you to forgive others.

 RELEASE.

Of all four, this is the most challenging. To let go and release the individual, memory or incident. For as long as we have not followed the other steps, it will be impossible for us to exercise release. Let go of those individuals, let go of that bitterness, let go of that shame and let go of the embarassment. Your mind is too precious to keep gabage from 5-10-15-20 years ago. Keep yourself clean. See yourself as a luxurious mansion and your past as bags of gabage and as long as you keep those bags of gabage within, the beauty of this mansion will never be seen. Keep calm and keep clean. Release!

RECONCILE.

You can not be at peace with what you have not reconciled with. Reconciliation is what assures us that healing has taken place in our lives. Sometimes you will have to make a heart to heart declaration of your peace with the individual, situation or event. This is your ultimate to peace.

There are many more other steps to follow to get to your self-healing, self-forgiveness, self-affirmation and living a life of peace of mind.

I hope you find the courage to finally look within and find your liberty becuase I never did till I took a closer look within.

The Lesson in Seasons.

Today I decided to write about a subject that is dear to my heart and your heart, actually to everyone's heart because it affects us all-  That is the subject of friendships and their seasons. As you read this piece, I hope you relate with some passages, learn, challenge or contribute to this subject. Most of all, I hope this helps you to be a better 'YOU'.

Friends, buddies, mates, tsalas, chomees, mpintshis it doesnt matter what you call them- fact is we all have them. Can't live with them and sadly we can't live without them.
It took me a lot of consideration to finally draft an article under this subject , firstly I had to consider the realities, complexity and sensitiveness encompassed in this subject and be as objective and ubiased as much in my opinions.

A couple of years ago, I went through a wilderness I had never experienced in my life before. I went through a trying season where most of those I considered friends then turned their backs on me, mocked me, stabbed me at the back and betrayed me when I most needed them. What a painful season to be in- in all honesty I wish no one this experience -but it is unfortunately a neccessity for growth which we must all endure.

Comes a time in your life where you have to discover who your Judas is, face them and by the ability of choice in you choose what you do with them, its either you embrace them- help them be better people or you let them go and have nothing to do with them. When I went through this season I was cought between a hard rock and a deep blue sea, I was confussed, dissapointed and  very devastated. I had many regrets and so many unanswered questions- I was young, naive and didn't see it fair for me to have this experience. You need to know that some of these friends held confidential information about me- that is afterall what you do with your friends, you open your chest and be vulnerable to them under the assumption that they will be prudent about what you tell them. So much happend during this season, and I focused so much on the storm instead of the reason for the storm. The good news though is today I can boldly say I came out of it all wiser, stronger and more experienced. Of all lessons learned, the lesson of 'Seasons' still remains prized to me and as a giver I would like to share it with you.

 Firstly let me be frank to you by saying, not all the friends you have today are meant to be with you for a lifetime.Some friendships are seasonal and some are for a lifetime.

As we grow, we cross paths with people either for a good cause or to prune us to be better people along the way. I also believe that some friends are closer than your own siblings, there are things that only they know about you- this however doesnt mean they are meant to be around for a lifetime. Discernment or listening to your gut is very instrumental when trying to spot who your seasonal or lifetime friends are.  Becareful who you open your chest to- some people are too broken for us to notice and because of the facade they put on, we are sometimes fooled into believing they are lifetime friends meanwhile allowing them to get deeper and deeper into our private circle.
Now we have seasonal friends and lifetime friends, and you're probably thinking, how do you know if one is a seasonal or lifetime friend.

Well if I would say I have the perfect formular to great friendships, I would be deceiving you, I can only share wise lessons I have learned this far.
I must first admitt to you that I have a weakness or strength depending on how you see it, of being carried away on friendships or relationships- I get too excited and be too loving, transparent, trusting, honest and sometimes before I even notice I would have my fingeres burnt badly. Perhaps as you're reading this you are thinking, you are also like me, well let me tell you that you are not alone, it is our nature and there is nothing we can do about it- But there is definately something we can do to protect ourselves from friendship disasters .

It is important for us to understand seasonal friendships come with a lot of lessons and one must make sure that they do not focus on how those lessons come across but rather why they had to learn those lessons. Seasonal friendships are also destiny made like any other relationships- these are people who are specially destined to help you get to the next step of the ladder as you get closer to dear destiny. As difficult and sometimes painful these lessons come across, it is important to learn from them and add them to your wisdom hat. Do not focus on who taught you the lesson but what they taught you.

Like me, you probably have friendships you wish you never committed yourself into. Let me dissapoint you and say, you are probably also to blame for how those friendships ended. How? you may ask, well you were too absorbed into the normalcies of the friendship that you never payed attention to the alert signs along the way which were warnig you of the end of the season you were soon to reach.

Let me break it down to you and make a simple illustration of fruits and their seasons. Oranges are sweeter and more juicier in winter, they are in demand and more sold during their season- But what happens when you keep those oranges till mid-summer and try to enjoy them then? Fact is they will not be as sweet and tender as they were in winter because it was their season then not in summer. Same goes for friendships, seasonal friendships are at their best during their season but when you drag them over to another season which happens not to be theirs, they will have a bitter taste.

There are some friendships I look at today despite how they ended and realise a few lessons that have helped into being the person I am today. Some have taught me love, courage, strength, patience and even taught me things I never knew about myself and I will forever be grateful to the teachers of the lessons despite how badly I might have viewed the lessons then. The mistake we make though is to stay under this cynical cloud of bitterness about how bad things ended or what the then friends did to us though we claim to have forgiven them.

Isn't it funny how we are so quick to say we have forgiven yet still spitt vanom and resentment when we talk about these indivuduals. Truth is, we have not forgiven when that is the case but let me live that subject for yet another day.

I see it wise to strive escaping the trap of bitterness and acknowledge the end of seasons when they come without marking one another as ugly people. Allow me to challenge you into a life of greatness by asking you to set those indivuals you have long held captive into your mind because of the friendships you once had with them which did not turn out well. Release them in peace for your spiritual and physical health.

As I close this piece, always remember that ending a relationship or friendship doesn't mean you have to be enemies- NO, but it simply means you appreciate the seed of life that each of you has planted into the other's life and like doves you 'choose'  to release each other into meeting other seasonal friends whom you have lessons you deposit to. In the same spirit let me warn you that keeping friendship that are long overdue will result to caging you into a life of bitterness, resentment and anger- choose to master peace instead.

I hope you get time to reflect on your past friendships as honest as you can and in doing so I also hope you learn to discover who your seasonal friends are and in doing so, use them well during their season.

You too are RACIST!

OVER the weekend I went out with a group of friends, some old and some I just met quite recent. First we had to decide on a comfortable spot and eventually decided on doing Moyos. Now if you are a Capetonian or Joburger who is clued up on the site buzz you will definately know that Moyos never dissapoints when looking for a spot to lounge.

Being that colourful race-bunch, some caucasian, one coloured and me ofcourse brown/caramel we had a number of  things to talk about from Pop Idols to Oscar Pristorius but suprisingly, we spent over 4-hours talking about 'RACE.'
Now you must understant that we are all in our 20s and our fathers were not  political activists or apartheid lords during the struggle, we are just liberals. So after a fruitful and debatable conversation, I decided to write an article about it.

This is not the first time I am writing a piece about race or racism which in the past caused quite a stir and landed me with name tags from 'bloody kaffer to race maggot' from some of my readers but despite those little frenzies I still persued to engage on this sensitive subject.

Now we all know that Mzantsi has a blood-spattered history on race based violance, prejudice and discrimination under the awful system of apartheid. It was horrific and cruel but nonetheless I refuse to touch on this subject as many given the opportunity would jump at the opportunity to vent on this subject anytime.

RACISM- "Thats racist, you're racist, you look racist" are some of the few lines that encapsulate the memo of urgency on this touchy subject.

Firstly, I need to highlight it to you that being silent about racism does not put  you over the blue light beneath the red gutter when dealing with this subject. Just like trying so hard to convince me that you are NOT RACIST does not make you any less racist but rather makes me wonder if you are racist and trying hard to convince others and yourself that you are not. Let me put it out there that not everybody who makes a noise about racism is indeed racist and not all who define by colour are racist. To those who would rather differ with this view, perhaps you can tell me if talking about rape more often makes one a rapist.

It is so unfortunate that we find our country in such a compromising position where the term 'RACISM' is abused even by those who are appear to be in power. It wasn't long ago when former ANCYL President and now accomplished EFF party leader- Julius Malema made headlines after accusing a BBC journalist of being racist among other things in a press conference. Following was that was the controversial Jacob Zuma potrait which left Goodman Gallery and City Press editor in fear of terrorism as they were loudly labelled racist also. What was even more suprising was that the public had missed the mark and ventured into touching the sensitive subject of racism to divert attention from issues that could have created space for dialouges about reall issues through out the country.

Often being race cuatious is confussed with being racist nowadays. Racism seems to be a much accessible ticket to boarding the next flight to a far away land of ignorance in our country. I, like many of you also believe in human race as opposed to colour coding but I also need to unfortunately burst your bubble and take you back to a reality that, there will be BLACK and WHITE. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I will always be black and my friend Kevin will always be white. This has nothing to do with us being racist or not it is just a FACT.

Because of the bitterness of our histoty in South Africa we have grown to be an over-sensitive nation meanwhile missing out in all the fun there is in our diversity. We are a diverse nation and instead of embracing and acknowledging each other we have grown apart over petty issues that do not qualify for attention of our democracy.

Whats even more entertaining is listening to conversations from fellow black people about habits or antics of the white race yet not consider themselves racist because according to them they are just being observant. What is racism then?  Racism is when you- out of all your power and might make it a mission to put a certain race superior than the other meanwhile belittling the other race. White people also have highlights and key issues about black people's antics aswell believe you me but because their race was once superior they fail to play the game fairly with fears of being called racist.

I find it hard to digest the fact that it is acceptable to call a white person 'Umlungu' and not be quoted out of context yet when a white person calls a black person 'Darkie' it is seen as racist. Just like when a white person gets a better service from another white person we make it a point that we pull the racism card.

I was morethan impressed when an Afrikaaner colleague of mine told me that her 6-year old son thinks that that if you speak Afrikaans you are black and if you speak English you are then white. As cute and funny as this is, it also left me with a lot to think about. It drove me to the conclussion that being black is not a curse nor being white a race of leverage. There is so much to laugh about pertaining being blackness and whiteness. Pointing out that white people can not dance to save their lives is not racist just like when Kevin mentions the fact that black people can not swim at all is not racist too. Its a black and white thing. Not racism.

I think its hightime we remove the vail of our past and start enjoying the beauty and fun within our circles. Let us see race beyond violance and opression.

It was also very interesting when my other friends Nomsa and David (names have been changed) got engaged and were in a process of preparing for marriage a while ago. In the black culture one is not considered engaged till Lobola negotiations commence. To David this was not a problem at all, actually he was looking foward to  the experience of chasing a bull, slaughtering it on his own and drinking Umqombothi (the African beer) as his fiance was Zulu. Nomsa was also looking foward into being a Mrs Foster, dressing up for tea parties, going hiking and enjoying weekend family dinners. It was very sad to almost see a beautiful thing fall apart due to families who could not come to terms with having inlaws from the other race. It saddened me and it showed me the bitter reality of our society.

I also have a couple of friends my age who wouldn't even consider interracial dating or marriage even if it was the last thing on earth  not because this is based entirely on their choice but because it is not acceptable in their black or white families. One associate of mine once shared how she had to turn down a marriage proposal from her Indian boyfriend because there was no way that her black family would accept him as their 'umkhwenyana' (son in-law). She, unfortunately never thought about this when she first met him- she genuinely fell inlove.

So to the folk who is ready to shout ' Thats Racist' to honest people who might just be having a race talk, to the one who is probably annoyed by the race issue and to that one who tries to hard to prove she doesn't see black or white, I want you to tell me, what if your child would bring a 'mlungu' or 'darkie' home as their boyfriend or girlfriend, would you not see their blackness or whiteness then? Think about it and be as hinest as you can. And to those who think I am being racist for writing this piece, take a step back and do a bit of self introspection because  chances are 'You too are RACIST '.

Because I am a MAN!

Now and again I try to write articles that talk about the collective being of human kind. I am passionate about people and there is nothing you and I can do about it, I was born that way. One of the things I am passionate about though is observing gender interaction and engagement. It fascinates me to see how woman think or behave and then see how my fellow kinsmen respond as a result.

As usual I decided to scribble a few words to express my compelling views and hopefully after reading this, you will seat back and have something to think about. I am well aware that at the mention of the word MAN some of you can’t help but cringe or scowl. This article has been written in one voice that speaks on behalf of all the man you have come across or heard about  in your life. So to all my brothers out there who have been misunderstood, misquoted, taken for granted and misjudged and to my brothers who fallen short on the way, THIS ONE IS SPECIALLY FOR YOU!

I AM A MAN & I TOO AM MY FATHER’S CHILD, every day, hour, minute and second of my life I live to the reality that I am a man and therefore must act like a man. All I ever wanted was to be understood. All I ever wanted was to be heard and all I am asking for is that you take some time to know me for who I am but not for what my brothers whom I never even met left as a legacy.

I have been called names ranging from monster, cheater, liar, deserter, abuser and some even went to extremes of calling me a dog. I just wonder though, if I am a dog, what do you call my mistress - but hey that’s a subject for another day.

So here I am trying to find my way to life, I am trying to find my purpose and be who I was meant to be, live up to one day wake up to the reality of my own dreams but it is difficult than it ought to be. Nobody really wants to pay attention to what I want or how I want to sail this ship to glorious destiny. Everybody has expectations of how I am assumed to be, what I am intended to have and when I am meant to have them. But nobody really has interest in my views, my passions, my dreams, my fears, my disappointments and my afflictions. Now because of the overwhelming pressure I am supressed by, I, out of confusion and ego fumble my way out to try and be this man. Like they say, inside every man there is a little boy but have you ever paid attention to the little boy inside of me.

I AM A MAN when you are in your deepest despair and I lay my hand on you to comfort you. I AM STILL A MAN when I drag you by your hair, punch you on the face and whisper ‘I am sorry’. 

I AM A MAN when I call you names, dishonour, devalue and disrespect you yet I AM MAN when I treat you like a queen, wash your feet buy you roses and kiss you on your forehead.

I AM A MAN when I kneel down and pray for you to be a better woMAN but I AM STILL A MAN when I carefully execute taking your soul back to Abber Father with violence.

I AM A MAN when I spread my arms to protect my wife and children but hey who said I AM NOT A MAN when I violate a 7-month old beautiful baby girl, rip her clothes off  look into her innocent precious eyes, paying no attention to her echoing cry, whisper into her ears “shhhhhh” yet take her future away from her. I AM A MAN.

I AM A MAN when I swallow my pride, kneel in front of your friends and family and ask your hand for marriage, deserting all my idle ways just to be with you but remember I AM A MAN again when I sneak out at night for 15-minutes dark pleasures with a wanton mistress.

I AM A MAN when I desert my wife and seven children, live them in vile hunger, walk to a place of nowhere and never look back.

I AM A MAN when I pull out that pistol; point it to you shoot you before you even speak yet robbing you of dear life just for a lousy R20 in your purse.

I AM A MAN in darkness, I AM A MAN in light.

So it is okay you can call me names because I have been bitter sweet. I have been here and there but just remember this:

I AM A MAN when I wipe my tears off my eyes in a dark lonely corner, hiding myself from you because you cannot see me cry, remember I AM A MAN.

I AM A MAN when I fear of how our tomorrow will be, seat up at night, pray to my daddy God for courage and direction whilst you are sleeping next to me.

I AM A MAN when I try and still fail.

I AM A MAN when I think I have done my best and you still tell me it’s not enough.

I AM A MAN when I am confused and still say I have it all worked out.

Yes, I AM A MAN when I have no idea of where we are heading and still say I know this way.

I AM A MAN when I mean so well but my actions don’t make sense to you.

I AM A MAN when my words fail to express the way I feel and I expect you to just understand me, I AM A MAN.

I AM A MAN when I am learning how to love you and you’re already a step ahead of me expecting me to love you already.

I AM A MAN when I work two jobs to try make ends meet for us yet you still leave me for that tycoon belly-man with a BMW.

I AM A MAN when I still need my father and he is not there. 

I AM A MAN when I’m scared for dear life and all the courage is gone yet I still need to be gutsy for you .

I AM ALREADY A MAN when you dump me at the junkyard and walk away like you never owned me.

The truth is I am a man like no other man you’ve come across in your life. But because my brothers before me have destroyed the trust you once had in you, I know you can hardly see me for who I am. Just like I am aware that Ridge from the Bold and the Beautiful and Bow from Days of Our lives are the man who keep you company in my absence, all I want is for you to see me beyond their abs and six-packs when I return.

You see MAN have ISSUES just like you have ISSUES my fellow sister but let’s rather skip these ISSUES before we need TISSUES. Just for today.

 I AM A MAN and I refuse to pay for the sins of those who were before, walked with me and those after me. I will not justify their unjust ways but I will seek justice for other men who are not like them. Men who care, Men who protect, Men who want to be honoured and love you in return, Men who want to do right and need you to give them a second chance. Men who despite all their shortcomings want to be the best. Men who don’t want to be pushed but encouraged. Man who want you to be aware that as much as they are robust on the exterior they are sensitive in the interior.

 Men who want to build a new legacy and create a culture where men can talk about Man issues because they are Man.  I. AM. A.MAN and please do not compare me with my brother next to me because he is not wearing my shoes.

So to all those who have misjudged me, looked  down on me, take this, I-AM-A-MAN and one day I hope you take time to know me for who I am. I AM A MAN!

So you are looking for Mr and Miss Right?

Finding That Right Somebody

It knocked me hard yesterday when I had to think about how almost every individual I come across talks about finding the right person, soul-mate or better half, that’s if they are not already taken. Yes, that right somebody who was created and destined to be with just them and only them. I couldn’t help but wonder if there is anything as such thought. These two questions propelled me to write this article and seek light for my self-deliberations. Firstly  the issue of soul-mates, are they born and somehow connected with us from birth OR Do we choose who our soul-mates are going to be?

Perhaps let me just to set a building block on this subject of interest by sharing a bit from my experience. A couple of years ago I met this remarkable, loving, caring, fun and very attractive somebody whom I had a spectacular connection with. I wanted to spend my days, weeks, months and years to come with them. They were my oh-so-better-half and I believed I was the same to them. We just knew we were made to be together. Actually we used to say when God made the other He had the other one in mind. We had plans to get married, make a name for ourselves as we both were ambitious career people. We wanted to have children and live happily ever after- Oh what a beautiful life it would’ve been. But, unfortunately things didn’t work out as planned.As we grew older, we also drew apart and that my dear friend was the end of a perfectly planned life with my ‘right’ somebody. Well as much as you want me to divulge the distinctive details of my almost fairy-tale life, I will just have to disappoint you this time around and reserve that for another day.

As difficult as it was to let go and move on, pick up the pieces of my oh-so-single life, I learned lessons I will forever treasure. I learned lessons about myself and about the mighty love institution.

So it made me wonder if all along I was with the wrong person. I had to ask myself questions like, were they the wrong ones or is there even a right one just for me to start with.

To answer some of my questions, I had to take it back to creation, as a Christian I had to track it down from where it all started. Yes, you got that right- ADAM. As much as we’ve heard of Adam and Eve’s naughty deed at the Garden of Eden and how they were subjected to working hard and being prone to nature because of their disobedience, we have never really grasped the reality that the lineage was broken back then. If one person back in those days married the wrong person and their supposed right person married another wrong person and they bore children, who then had to marry other wrong people who by the way are from a generation of a wrong lineage, then it means the whole circle of being with the ‘right’ person was broken centuries ago.

Then it means we choose who to be with and when we are satisfied with the people they are, we then choose to label them ‘Right’. As much as our destinies have been predestined, this is one area where we choose who to call our ‘Right’. So challenge this theory if you stand by a different one or call me a party pooper to your fairy-tale but keep me in mind that there is a no particular person out there whose name is engraved on your forehead or your name on theirs and made just for you. Our paths intertwine and we come across people who will either stay or move right along based on their personal choice.

To find the right person I believe we first have to prepare ourselves to be the right people in our own way. A simple example would be, if I want a person whom I will travel the world with, have no children but simply travel the universe together till we grow old, and I am certain that this is all I want to do, then my ‘right’ would be a person who complements and fits within that vision.

So flick a coin and think about this. If really there is someone out there who is made particularly for you, then what if they unfortunately suffered violence and died a tragic death a long time ago? Does this mean you will be single for the rest of your life because they died? OR are you going to get out there and find another right person? Perhaps, a widow can help us answer this daring question.

As for me, I hope you manage to CHOOSE your perfect Mr or Miss Right.

You Must Never-Ever!

One of my privileges in my lifetime has been travelling all over SA, dine and converse with different sets of people who come from different walks of life. In each one of them I have lived to see the ligh, listened to their stories, learned their behaviour and imparted or adopted something special in each one of them.

Because I am observant like that,I have identnified a few lines you must never-ever cross with any South African, whether they are black, white, yellow, brown or green. Things like unless you are Jackie-Chan, Chuck Norris or Dr Malinga please dont throw your legs around when dancing in a party. People might just act in self defence. Ok, here we go:

Firstly, if you can't speak vernac, kindly refrain from reffering to fellow blacks as "WENA", it is not cute because you think you are trying it is rude and disrespectful, so STOP IT WENA!

Secondly, if you are black and went to a Kasi or rural school and you are just darkie like 'that' please toe dont speak like your tounge is on ice or coated with super-glue just to sound like your fellow blacks friends who went to white schools, that tweng its ridiculous. Atleast try to bite your tounge then. You must NEVER-EVER.

Thirdly, If you are Afrikaans and  happen to come across a fellow darkie who speaks english much better than you, please stop saying "Oh you  speak so well", it makes them wonder how they are suppose to speak. Like a toddler maybe?

Fourthly, if you happen to go to an Indian shop to buy an item, NEVER-EVER carry your wallet full with cash, the minute they see it, dollar signs starts rolling in their eyes and they can just double the price on the spot. Always negotiate for a discount - even if its 20c.

Fifthly, you must NEVER-EVER drop a big word unnecessarily on a dinner table, especially when you are not clued up about its meaning. Next you are going to tell us that the wine is getting 'promiscuous'...Really? Stop it!

Sixthly, if its  broad daylight and temperatures are beyond 25, 'HAWU' you cant wear your matric dance or wedding evening dress in town, it is illegal. We call it 'evening wear' for a reason.

Seventhly, Pyjamas, pyjamas are not for the public my fellow folks. Keep them indoors, under the blankets. You must NEVER-EVER got to your nearest Pick 'n Pay rocking those pjs with a pantyhose on your head before you know it you might be arrested for public indecency. Stop!

Eighthly, unless you are a taxi driver, walking with a deafened person or perhaps Nigerian there is no need to shout bathong. Keep calm and keep it private.

Ninethly, if you are a plus size, please eccept it, atleast for now. Wearing a size two times smaller  than your normal clothing size makes you look like a sausage and sadly a cheap one not a SEXYsausage. Sorry hle.

 Tenthly, because we know your joji please mann, don't ask someone with better  joji to update your status on Facebook evenworse steal that content from some writer and make it look like your own. PLAEGIRISM IS ASERIOUS CRIME.

 Eleventhly, if you are a man and still want to have children, STOP WEARING THOSE SKINNY JEANS rather do legins then. You must never ever.

And lastly unless you are Andile from Khumbulekhaya, and you are as dark as a raisin, please dont wear a blonde wig. It makes you look like a factory fault from heaven. God never makes mistakes. Keep it real.

You must NEVER-EVER suck a lolly-pop  or eat a banana in public. Its just not right!
 

Proudly Mzantsi-ian

I am struggling to think of anything that can beat the awesomeness of being called a South African. I am proud to be a citizen of this scenic African land. As much as my friends from America live to believe that I own a lion for a pat and a crocodile in my door-step, I am insanely glad to be from Mzantsi.

It is only in my country where you find the President dancing and chanting with masses in the middle of his public adress and yet still walk away with his dignity. Nobody sees anything wrong about that. Its normal. Wait till he laughs in parliament in the middle of an important debate and believe it or not  people have grown to love him for exactly that.

Mzantsi has such a strong heritage our fashion sense says it better than words. Take a walk downtown in any of our cities. The colours, the culture the vibe and yes the weirdos who complete this wide colourful circle with pride. It is only in my country that you find an adult plus-size african lady wearing pink stilletos, blue pantyhose and a tight-short purple dress with shiny cystals all over Oh! did I mention the red lipstick dripping on her lips with green eyeshadow yet she is still  considered totally normal and quite a fashionista. Check the young dude who is squashed like a pock banger in those green skinny jeans and a floral shirt he is quite cool by the way- this is Mzantsi.

Now lets move over to the music scene. Our music is rhythmic, addictive, seductive and keeps you active all day. The likes of the late Mama Miriam Makeba and Brenda Fassie died having witnessed the richness of our local melody and rhythm. Our sound has evolved from the then days of Phata-phata to the present days of House Music  yet it still spells out the magic words South Africa. Did I tell you about the internationaly acclaimed Nkalakatha and Godoba? I dont care how ignorant one can be but when it comes to our music, we live you with something to remember us about in the next decades. By the way we dont need to be professional dancers to come up with a dance, the up-beat rythm that flows in our blood streams enables us to do anything close to impossible. I am talking about Twaladza, Skere, Tsipa-tsipa, Ingwazi the list goes on and to my fellow white friends, I would include english dances on the list if I knew of any- I guess dancing isn't really your thing.

Only in Mzantsi will you find the terms Coconuts and Darkies in full use despite the offensive thread all over them. When you call deserts 'sweets', you are undoubtedly Darkie and when you are black yet find tripe 'ulusu' disgusting you can be quickly thrown into the Coconuts's bin. Whats even more surprising is how we have a portion of our population called Coloureds yet in some parts of the world that is taboo to say. Oh, we are just unique aren't we. We eat worms, spice them up with flavour and give them a name 'Masonja' not forgeting the chicken intestines with grill in the streets of our local townships yet we dont feel guilty.

I mean who else goes to an internatioanal airpot and speel pooh when trying to make a point? In my country we do that. Strikes and Toy-toys are the order of the day but we still love each other so much and no we dont smell like pooh though we use it to make demands.

We have 11 languages and they are all official. So you can be in a taxi and have no clue of what the next person is saying. They can be Xhosa and you Venda and both officially rightfull to use your own language. Isn't that great! Contrary to African belief we are the only country in our continent that supports same sex marriage and abortion. We break and bend the rules and still remain the best in Africa.

Sunny South Africa, how we love you.

I've Heard Enough!

I AM SICK AND TIRED: That's it!!! I have bore enough of these absurd "Because of Apartheid I can NOT" conversations by my fellow black associates. It ticks me off to think that in our soon to be a whooping 20-years walk into democracy there are still civil citizens who blame every error of our society on the legacy left by apartheid. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I acknowledge the obnoxious history of black... oppression in our country and yes, it was just wicked and coldblooded of the then white government.

BUT... we can not blame every sock and tin, every downfall and shortcoming every sin and disgrace of the present on the past. I consider myself a born free, even though technically I might be disapproved.

WHY? because I do not remember in my life being in an environment where I was alienated, discriminated or violated due to the colour of my skin. I was allowed to engage with other races without fear of being terrorised. It was all up to me. Now its 2013 and a fellow black brother still struggles to set himself free from the binding chains of the past.

Whenever government is cornered to account for their short-comings, they act as victims and accuse dear apartheid. Daily I am exposed to situations where a black child gives in to the domination of a colour-bar and slavery mentality. They reason, see, learn, practise everything based on race and white dominance.

DON'T GET ME WRONG AGAIN, I am all for taking pride in being black but the minute you start blaming other races for your lowliness then I start to question your state of liberty. You probably think I am ignorant by now, but I think this race war has gone too far. Freedom begins in the mind, and as long as one's mind remains captive in the sins of the past, then they will never see the light of a true 'Rainbow Nation'.

Unless you were gunned down whilst protesting for equality, unless you were forced to be taught in Afrikaans and compromise your mother tongue, unless you were forcefully located in a homeland and abolished from a surbubian land, unless you were once arrested for forgetting your 'dompas' violated and left in pieces, unless that, then I can atleast tollerate your venting with hope that you will let go.

I atleast understand when my mothers and fathers refuse to be associated with white people because of the erra they lived in. I understand.

But as for a 'breaking of dawn' baby like me who still squawks about white supremacy and how less priviledged they are because of being black, think again.

Truth is, I will always be Black, Louiie will always be White, Shaun will always be Coloured and Shante will always be Indian, thats just who we are, but to blemish an excellent opportunity of showing the generations before us that we are just one blood is foolish.

Because of our unresolved issues and inferiorities with the white race, we will forever be held captive in small cave prisons and guess what, the perpetrators will be our own selves.

Dont you think we have debated enough? Don't you think we have blamed enough? Don't you think?

Think of how productive and selfless we can become when we acknowledge the colour of our skin but not base our judgement and actions on it.

Think of how liberated one would be if they'd learn from the other without reffering to the sins of their forefathers.

Think of how it would benefit the generations after us.

I am not justifying the injustices of the past here, but I am defending the legacy of the future.

For a minute, just take away your white hatred and think about this. There is just sooo much a liberated mind can do. But a prisoned mind will always find it just to point a finger so they can feel better.I AM TIRED!

Hello There!

Hi there, its good to know you.

My name is... (clears throat)... sorry can I try that again

My name is, my name is...(sigh) Fat-ass, Pig, Sdudla, Fatty, Whelephant, Mafutha, Cheese Hog, Magarine, Roundy, Scatha, Buffalo, Beached Whale, BBW, Boomba, Oros...These are the names you call me.

Actually let me just cut this long drag of an introduction and get to the point. Fact is you know me, you know me too well.  I stay in your neighbourhood, to some I am considered a friend, we went to school together, I am a sibling too, we work together and now and again you bump onto me when walking down town. Still clueless?

Let me refresh your forgetful memory and say I am that biggie you always give a side look in a restaurant when  enjoying my juicy stake with ribs, french fries on the side and that sweet red velvet cake. AHA! Now you get it! Yes, that fat-ass who always walks out with a cross face in your local clothing store. Thats Me!  Last week you just had a good laugh about how ridiculously FAT I am and how my thie would be sufficient feed to poverty stricken Ethopia and still have left overs. So I thought perhaps its time you really know me. I want you to know what ticks me off, what makes me dance (although I sometimes struggle to), what excites me and who I really am.

Everyday of my life I am a plus-size human being with dreams, ambitions and a zest for living like any other determined individual. I am fun to be with, I enjoy good company and can laugh till the sun goes down and YES, I enjoy good FOOD. But, there is something you don't know about me- the embarrasment I face daily. Every single day of my life I am branded with names. My identity is somewhat concluded by the way I look, from Fatty to Sdudla but nobody knows the struggle I go through daily. The pain, the shame, the setbacks and insults I have to endure.

Okey, I start my days like most of you, wake up, have my morning devotions, take a shower, have breakfast and look for what to wear- oh! what a mission. Now, because I am huge I go for my black, navy or grey items- apparently they make me look slim. White and Yellow are my enemies. But not that looking huge is an issue I am comfortable with the way I look. BIG is SEXY anyway and no matter what you say I dont give a doughnut. I'll just eat it too instead.
 Alright, now we are ready to face the world. First, I have to double check that my two or three layer tummy is tucked in properly, my wholoping ass is well contained and I can atleast pick up a pen and bend with out having a button-pop or even worse...you know what.

But wait, lets look at this picture in detail oncemore. Firstly, I carefully pay attention to the colour of my clothing because it makes me feel 'Normal' and 'Slim' yet I go on to say "But not that looking huge is an issue I am comfortable with the way I look. BIG is sexy anyway and no matter what you say I dont give a doughnut"...? How twisted is that. Well I do it anyway because eventhough publicly I say "I am okey with being a size 45 or 54" secretly I am dying to be a size 32 or 34.

So here I am standing in my door-step, I take a deep breath and begin to walk, deep inside I am hoping that today I will not come across any individual who will make remarks about my size. I am hoping for no back chats and I really wish that taxi driver will not squeeze in a fouth person in a three seater meanwhile making me look like mother hippo with several baby hippos. Just today, I honestly wish people will not pay attention to how I look but what I have to say and what i can offer the universe. But sadly, how you look is exactly how you're defined in my society.

The following are FACTS I need you to know about me:

1, Firstly, those names, fatty, boomba and whale don't really sound nice to my ears. They put me down, remind me of how inadequate I am and how low your view of me is.

2, Secondly, just so you know I wouldn't be wearing black if it wasn't of your nasty remarks about how hugely I dominate the surface.

3, Yes, I have an eating problem because you contributed to eat. Remember that side look you gave me in that restaurant? Well, it didnt make me feel guilty. Instead it made me wish I had a table packed with fat cakes, cheese cakes, steaks and lots and lots of fat.

4, Seemingly you are clued up about my disorders. Your constant emphasy on how I am not taking good care of myself makes me wonder. Well, so you know I am I am just struggling and you are not helping.

Okey, you are not entirely to blame for my shortcomings, I also need to work on my eating habits but I want you to be aware that I am still human and NO making fun about my size isn't fun to me.

I want you to know that I have a personality as big as my belly size, a heart and warm as my intimate hug and pants size does not define me.

I have a name, I have emotions, I have daily battles you are not aware of and Yes I need you to know me and not what you think I am about and unless you've been in my position, your right to scrutinise me has been silenced.

I am ME and my SIZE does not define ME.

THIS IS A COLLECTIVE VOICE OF ALL THE PLUS-SIZE PEOPLE YOU HAVE COME ACROSS IN YOUR LIFE. ALTHOUGH THEY NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SAY THIS TO YOU, DEEP INSIDE THEY WISHED YOU KNEW!

Welcome to my Blog.
Spitch.