Because I am a MAN!

Now and again I try to write articles that talk about the collective being of human kind. I am passionate about people and there is nothing you and I can do about it, I was born that way. One of the things I am passionate about though is observing gender interaction and engagement. It fascinates me to see how woman think or behave and then see how my fellow kinsmen respond as a result.

As usual I decided to scribble a few words to express my compelling views and hopefully after reading this, you will seat back and have something to think about. I am well aware that at the mention of the word MAN some of you can’t help but cringe or scowl. This article has been written in one voice that speaks on behalf of all the man you have come across or heard about  in your life. So to all my brothers out there who have been misunderstood, misquoted, taken for granted and misjudged and to my brothers who fallen short on the way, THIS ONE IS SPECIALLY FOR YOU!

I AM A MAN & I TOO AM MY FATHER’S CHILD, every day, hour, minute and second of my life I live to the reality that I am a man and therefore must act like a man. All I ever wanted was to be understood. All I ever wanted was to be heard and all I am asking for is that you take some time to know me for who I am but not for what my brothers whom I never even met left as a legacy.

I have been called names ranging from monster, cheater, liar, deserter, abuser and some even went to extremes of calling me a dog. I just wonder though, if I am a dog, what do you call my mistress - but hey that’s a subject for another day.

So here I am trying to find my way to life, I am trying to find my purpose and be who I was meant to be, live up to one day wake up to the reality of my own dreams but it is difficult than it ought to be. Nobody really wants to pay attention to what I want or how I want to sail this ship to glorious destiny. Everybody has expectations of how I am assumed to be, what I am intended to have and when I am meant to have them. But nobody really has interest in my views, my passions, my dreams, my fears, my disappointments and my afflictions. Now because of the overwhelming pressure I am supressed by, I, out of confusion and ego fumble my way out to try and be this man. Like they say, inside every man there is a little boy but have you ever paid attention to the little boy inside of me.

I AM A MAN when you are in your deepest despair and I lay my hand on you to comfort you. I AM STILL A MAN when I drag you by your hair, punch you on the face and whisper ‘I am sorry’. 

I AM A MAN when I call you names, dishonour, devalue and disrespect you yet I AM MAN when I treat you like a queen, wash your feet buy you roses and kiss you on your forehead.

I AM A MAN when I kneel down and pray for you to be a better woMAN but I AM STILL A MAN when I carefully execute taking your soul back to Abber Father with violence.

I AM A MAN when I spread my arms to protect my wife and children but hey who said I AM NOT A MAN when I violate a 7-month old beautiful baby girl, rip her clothes off  look into her innocent precious eyes, paying no attention to her echoing cry, whisper into her ears “shhhhhh” yet take her future away from her. I AM A MAN.

I AM A MAN when I swallow my pride, kneel in front of your friends and family and ask your hand for marriage, deserting all my idle ways just to be with you but remember I AM A MAN again when I sneak out at night for 15-minutes dark pleasures with a wanton mistress.

I AM A MAN when I desert my wife and seven children, live them in vile hunger, walk to a place of nowhere and never look back.

I AM A MAN when I pull out that pistol; point it to you shoot you before you even speak yet robbing you of dear life just for a lousy R20 in your purse.

I AM A MAN in darkness, I AM A MAN in light.

So it is okay you can call me names because I have been bitter sweet. I have been here and there but just remember this:

I AM A MAN when I wipe my tears off my eyes in a dark lonely corner, hiding myself from you because you cannot see me cry, remember I AM A MAN.

I AM A MAN when I fear of how our tomorrow will be, seat up at night, pray to my daddy God for courage and direction whilst you are sleeping next to me.

I AM A MAN when I try and still fail.

I AM A MAN when I think I have done my best and you still tell me it’s not enough.

I AM A MAN when I am confused and still say I have it all worked out.

Yes, I AM A MAN when I have no idea of where we are heading and still say I know this way.

I AM A MAN when I mean so well but my actions don’t make sense to you.

I AM A MAN when my words fail to express the way I feel and I expect you to just understand me, I AM A MAN.

I AM A MAN when I am learning how to love you and you’re already a step ahead of me expecting me to love you already.

I AM A MAN when I work two jobs to try make ends meet for us yet you still leave me for that tycoon belly-man with a BMW.

I AM A MAN when I still need my father and he is not there. 

I AM A MAN when I’m scared for dear life and all the courage is gone yet I still need to be gutsy for you .

I AM ALREADY A MAN when you dump me at the junkyard and walk away like you never owned me.

The truth is I am a man like no other man you’ve come across in your life. But because my brothers before me have destroyed the trust you once had in you, I know you can hardly see me for who I am. Just like I am aware that Ridge from the Bold and the Beautiful and Bow from Days of Our lives are the man who keep you company in my absence, all I want is for you to see me beyond their abs and six-packs when I return.

You see MAN have ISSUES just like you have ISSUES my fellow sister but let’s rather skip these ISSUES before we need TISSUES. Just for today.

 I AM A MAN and I refuse to pay for the sins of those who were before, walked with me and those after me. I will not justify their unjust ways but I will seek justice for other men who are not like them. Men who care, Men who protect, Men who want to be honoured and love you in return, Men who want to do right and need you to give them a second chance. Men who despite all their shortcomings want to be the best. Men who don’t want to be pushed but encouraged. Man who want you to be aware that as much as they are robust on the exterior they are sensitive in the interior.

 Men who want to build a new legacy and create a culture where men can talk about Man issues because they are Man.  I. AM. A.MAN and please do not compare me with my brother next to me because he is not wearing my shoes.

So to all those who have misjudged me, looked  down on me, take this, I-AM-A-MAN and one day I hope you take time to know me for who I am. I AM A MAN!